monday

ok. fine. i am procrastinating. I cant help it. I am faced with this pile of green papers behind me (and i jus ran out of them) and just started organising them. Yes, i hv this big file due this friday but just feeling ….. i dont know, a need to vent before going back to the papers again.

I hv the monday off uni. It is a luxury to work at home these days. When will i ever hv a proper few days where i dont need to care about work or worry about anything at all? This is prob a ‘welcome to the working world’ message huh? Then again, seeing clients solely feels better than just trying to get to classes AND being a therapist.

Day off uni- list of things to do include writing, writing and more writing. Actually, i cant tell if it is better to work at home or in uni. I seem to procrastinate more at home but less in uni… maybe it is the environment.. just seem lazier at home?

I guess after such a great weekend… it is hard to get back to work on a monday again huh (wait a min.. i started doing stuff yesterday). Btw, it is a waste of time standing by the dryers for 2 hours waiting for your clothes to dry in the laudromat… not to mention doggy characters!!!!

On a brigher note, i found mee siam paste in my freezer last week. Called home and asked if it was grandma who brought that over..she said ‘i think so… yeah, probably..i forgot all abt it’ Anyway, we had mee siam for lunch yesterday =) Surprisingly, it tasted almost like the REAL thing (except we pay 90 cents for a LIME!).

“Listen with your heart” Casey Donavan
And when this world has got your mind confused
And when your faith has gone and run out on you
You can’t find that faith in your soul
You don’t know which road to choose
That’s when you’ve got to

Listen with your heart
Listen to your soul
Inside you’ll find the answer
The place you need to go

my weekend

my stomach hasnt been good lately. Bouts of gastric and just general discomfort, *scolding tummy*.

The weekend has been pretty indulgent. I slept till late on saturday morning..and BOY do i enjoy it. It feels great to sleep…and sleep..and sleep…. yeah, i hv this clinic diary due this friday, and everything needs organising at the moment.

Anyone keen to sponsor me a filing cabinet (throw in someone to help me put the documents in the files as well?)

oh yes, i was on the topic of my weekend. I had a fantastic dinner on friday night… lovely place, lovely walk (nice catching up with u), wonderful morning on saturday… pretty much one of the most relaxing weekends i had in months. In fact, I relaxed so much that i dont want the week to begin again.. *staring sadly at the pile of papers behind me* I still smiled when i think of this weekend… i didnt do anything much with regards to uni work (prob ome of the first weekends like that).. it’s bad of me i know.. i shldnt.. but.. …… ….

It suxs of course, having something due at the back of your mind.. and u cant help it when your work drift into your conversations or even your mind.. *this is just a random thought* (see!)

If you ask me, i think this year is pretty much the most challenging year i ever had (i did my honours last year right? i cant seem to remember most of it… maybe it was that traumatic that my memory is trying to repress it). Then again, ask me next year and i will prob say that will be the most challenging year.

On the other hand, i dont think i have ever been this happy before. Not in my undergrad years… no.. never. I feel free, cared for, loved (how can i not? with u ppl praying, sending me smses, emails, phone calls..) and most of all just joyful.

Perhaps is the combi of things happening. No, i dont feel that i am right on the top at my studies but at least i know i am doing something i like. I still feel insecure as a therapist but enjoyed all the challenges so far (translating the WAIS III in mandarin prob top off my list AND being in a case meeting with 8 other different ppl and 1 pissed off teacher). I still have the blank look during supervision and walk around feeling like i forgot something….

I feel that i smiled more, laughed more.. I am able to look at my mistakes and laugh. I look forward to end of the day where i can go home and know that my day had been fruitful (and more work awaiting at home for me..ew). Generally, just more peaceful. Trying to predicit things happening, being a control freak is still part of me but it lessen slightly (i think?). I can walk into a session expecting everything and anything, i can look at dramas and tantrums of life, even at home in a calmer outlook BUT i cant survive the semester if i dont control my work…. (u win some u lose some).

I still hit my head on the bed frame, my elbow on the wall, cut my finger when i peel potatoes and even knock my knees when i walk. I guess i grew up in some areas but retained others.. :p

the weekend is almost over. I dont want it to be over… I feel old now, in a old hangup world where weekends are always looked forward to and weekdays just never seem to end.

trainee

It had been a bitter sweet experience for the past few months as a trainee psychologist. Car crash, house break in and medical scares just sort of top it off further.

If you ask me how is it like being a trainee psychologist, i have to say i enjoyed working with all my clients. yes, even the tough ones (i think one teacher hates me now!). When they cry, you want to cry with them..when u found out that their performance IQ is above average, you laugh and u cheer. When a client said she felt alot better since she started treatment, you jump for joy..when they come in to a session and say this week isnt as good as they hoped, you take a deep breath and be ready to jus back track the sessions a little.

It is not all rosy though. I lost count of the number of times my tongue slipped and i said something that i shouldnt have (AND I knew it at that moment!!!). I did not forget the times when a parent wanted me to side with them against the teacher (!?!?!) or perhaps the client who tried to overstep boundaries by asking me personal information.

OH! did i forget to mention the amount of paperwork i found myself buried into? Reports, case files, session notes, records of phone calls, summaries of meetings, supervision notes..etc etc just to name a few.

I went through weeks when i think.. CRAP i make a horrible therapist.. my poor clients.. I still think that way though.

Your heart warmth as u see the session progresses. U get connected and attached to your clients, at the same time, u want them to be out of here… to embrace the tough world again. Yes, i still standby my belief that u dont hv to stay with your clients forever.

Juggling between course work and seeing clients isnt always easy. You feel bad when a client noticed that u r tired.. and even though u want to dedicate more time to them, u cant…coz u r only human.

One more practical thing i learned- U can have many kind of homemade sandwiches and salads for lunch.

Home

“Home”
by micheal buble

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

tutoring

I accepted B’s offer to become a tutor for her unit. Couldnt resist. She approached me last week…saw the materials, the workload seems ok..(although i will prob say otherwise next semester).

10 hours of tutoring plus marking plus consult time. I must be crazy.

Then again, there are only 5 tutes and on alternate weeks. 2 hours per tute. I am only taking ONE class. A little more cash in my bank account and a little more experience under my belt.

The unit? Adolescence. Interesting.

Baking the banana walnut loaf now. Smells great.

meals

chanting a mantra “relax relax relax relax relax relax relax relax relax relax relax relax relax.”

After a semester, I am not sure what that word means!!!!!!!!! As if i got in the world where there r lists of things to do and the word seems alien right now. Isnt it weird that, i should be able to relax a little more last weekend and suddenly found myself thinking about work and doing other stuff?

Oh ya, i made another list of “Things to do this week.” Crap, and doctor’s advise was to ‘rest and let mother’s nature handle its course.’

OH! Tonight’s dinner
Corn, potato, onions and pork rib soup
Stir fry chilli chicken with cashews
Garlic cabbage
rice

Tomorrow’s
One pot Japanese chicken curry with capsicum, mushrooms, carrots, onions and sweet potatoes
rice

Adding “bake banana walnut loaf for breakfast’ on list.

back to my client prep work.

supervisors

2 new supervisors from 25th of July onwards. Very very happy with the allocation. Thrilled in fact.

Not a bad weekend considering the bad weather. It was cold but snuggly under the thick donna with my heater on… Dont want to wake up in the morning but alas, i had to.

The week started in a bad note with the bad peaking on thursday. I certainly hope that is the end of it (yeah, i know, fat chance).

sore

A couple of people have asked me if i am ok after saturday’s crash. Yup. I am fine. With the exception of a sore back and neck, everything is going alright. God’s blessings were on us. Do pray for us (being armand and myself who were in the accident) however, for strength.

Sidetracked, the date and walnut pecan loaf that i baked on sunday turned out well.

I digressed.. yes, the accident. There is no doubt in my mind that this accident will make me stronger as a person (i hope for you too armand =)) and that somehow, some matters are clearer in my mind. After all, if you can handle a crisis (at that pt of time), it shows alot.

It is not a big accident but small ones like that just opened up your eyes.

*big hugs*

sweet client

it is suppose to be the last week of the semester. Well, for most students anyway. I finished a paper yesterday, i have another next wednesday. Apparently we dont follow the normal university timetable for exams….

Anyway, i am going for a sex therapy workshop on the 15th of June. How exciting! Now, all i need is couple clients…

When a client says that the treatment helps.. it feels great. It gives you a rush..a feeling that your 9 weeks of work has paid off. U realised the attachment between you and your client as well..especially when your client said “i tried to sneak in quietly so that you will have your full break, it must be hard seeing clients and attending classes at the same time.” Even after i assured her that i am fine and had my lunch already. =)