being cognitive inflexible

I’m in uni now. Long day today. SW’s class tonight. I finally finished the video. Not with J of course. I am suppose to critique myself on the video- so i cringed while watching the whole 3 hrs of administrating a range of assessments. The worst part is watching myself on the video. Been doing that since last semester and I still hate it.

My favourite coat has 2 holes in it now. I mend them and new holes appeared. =(

Ruth- BIG hugs and love to you for finishing the degree and being brave enough to make the step and making the transition to be back in Singapore.

Went to freo yesterday and bought TURKISH delight. Those stuff are great without the chocolate on.

I realised I am ‘cognitively inflexible’ well, I MUST go through some of these anal stuff.
1) My bed has to be made before i leave the house. I get cranky when I come home to a messy bed. (i do it even though i am tired and sian. Is just putting the covers back on properly).
2) I take the same route home everyday. Murdoch drive, leach highway, valand ave.
3) Routine is important to me.
4) My veges and meat has to be cut properly before i start cooking
5) At the check out counter, food has to be on the belt in categories. Veges first, Meat, followed by cold stuff, then dry food stuff then other stuff that isnt food.
6) I do groceries from the freezer section first- veges last (so that veges wont get squash at the bottom).
7) A mug of water has to be beside me when i go to bed.
8) My wardrobe is color coded.

Obsessive compulsive personality perhaps?

shall we dance?

No, i did not rewatch the movie. Just relistening to the soundtrack that’s all. I particularly like the track “Shall we dance?”- graceful yet charming.

My essay is slowly taking shape. If it is at any shape at all.

I have been told that I am ‘soft’ and ‘gentle’ in my approach and the way i speak and conduct my interviews. Not that they are faulting me for style, although I wasnt even conscious that was the way I presented myself to clients/people. Luckily my supervisors and clients have no problems with that. Well, I can be loud if I want to- i am sure some ppl can testify to that.

Hold on, that sounded different from what friends in pri and sec school have been telling me. “Daphne, stop being so fierce or else no guys will want you!.” or “Dont shout too much, people wont’ like you as much.” *roll eyes*. I told a clinic mate that ppl used to percieved me as fierce, she LAUGHED.

Have i changed that dramatically? I am still the anxious person i was-the difference occurs as currently, I reached a stage where I cant complete everything anyway… so, whatever will be will be. Wheras last time, I feel that I CAN do it (invisibility fable perhaps?).

One thing didnt change- i dislike ppl who come unprepared when it comes to work. 3 hrs for a 9 min video is inexcusable. Oh, maybe my patience has decreased. Not with clients, just with ppl leech on my work. I’m really not that stupid, though i admit i do dumb things at times. Maybe that part of me is still the same, step on my tail hard-and you get the bite. *growl* The fierce side remain dormant in me till someone activates it :p

girl thing?

There is abit of the wedding atmosphere in the clinic this week. One of the 2nd years got engaged over the last weekend, and i have since heard how she got proposed to 4-5 times (each time with the details of course-i just happened to be in the resource room and class when other ppl started asking abt it), got distracted by her dazzling engagement ring (that shined under the room light) and then, when i was scoring the WAIS, found myself caught right in the middle when all the girls started talking about what CHURCH she can get married in……

Girl is 23 yrs of age- her man is 29.

It was almost amusing, sitting in the corner and hearing them chatter about the engagement. Almost scary, seeing the excitment- or is it a girl thing, offering support and excitement to the ‘bride’? There is even a bit of the exaggeration in there at times- perhaps a ‘wedding’ to most girls, no matter what age reminds us of the fairy tales we listened to as young girls?

nicks nacks stingy moments

a rare moment- client cancelled. I can stay at home to do work for the afternoon.

I had a stingy moment.

To pay 50c for a cup of tea in uni means $2.50 a week = $10 A MONTH.

I can buy my CHAI LATTE and earl grey tea for like 2 boxs and that = to 58 tea bags… the total will cost less than 8bucks! Or if i want… to get a 100 tea bags box of black tea for like 5 bucks!!!

Even if i get my own milk and put it in the fridge.. the small packets one? those long-life milk..mmmm.. i can do without sugar anyway. Actually, i can do without milk as well.. but biscuits taste better with tea n milk.

25c for a chocolate cookie? Well.. i am bringing my own biscuits from now on too. haha..

I was told that I can use the microwave in the staff room… so here comes the leftovers from dinner for next day’s lunch.

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Seems like my new routine- doing work in the early morning works slightly better. PD was commenting that I dont look as tired (duh.. he saw me at 9:30am in the morning not 9pm). I seem to be able to accomplish more work now, although am very grumpy when i come home. Work load is gettng higher but this sem looks a little more managable compared to last sem.

Perhaps I am getting used to it now? I can work through from morning till night- with just a small lunch break (if any at all). Weekends are spent reading and researching- trying to schedule lighter work on weekends (whenever it is possible). Yeah, sure work is endless… ask me a few days time- i might answer differently. Will prob feel that i am NOT coping as well i am currently. It changes hourly..what can i say?

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My test assessment partner suxs.. I cant believe i am saying that abt a person but seriously. Another girl came and approached me to do the video- i think it is a good idea.. coz I WANT TO DO IT QUICKLY.. and besides, i am still that guy’s test partner , jus that i do my part first.. that is MY ASSIGNMENT.. and then he called that girl and went on abt the crap about how she stole HIS test partner. Hello…. masters level…. not primary school level…. “STOLE test partner” i am not meant to be stolen.
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joys

Seeing a client walking out of the clinic-knowing that he/she can be in control now. That he/she isnt as distressed, just provided me with a sense of achievement. Or perhaps knowing that I cant do anything more for this client then to assist the family and school in making schooling a little more enjoyable/bearable , is enough to know that perhaps.. just perhaps, i can be a psychologist. It is not sufficient , i know that, but it is a step.

A client gave me a small card of thanks- i think i am going to keep that card for a long long time.

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because i am seldom online now, there are several ways of contacting me: Sms, email (the best way) and this blog. I am still alive- if anyone has doubts about that.

quick quick

People dont believe when i tell them that I weigh 80kgs 4 years ago. What did i do they ask? I enrolled in honours….

Anyway, in the past few weeks we got 2 people deferring their Masters degree. Taken into account the people who dropped out the beginning of this year and one other person who deferred.. that means we have 5 people who started full time at the beginning of this year. I have recently heard that 1 (out of the 5) has just recieved an offer to do a medi degree in the Uk and she is thinking of leaving the clinic as well. If she does..we have FOUR!! How pathetic?

I have also noticed something, the remainder of students in the clinic… pretty much all of us (except for the person mentioned above who might leave to do her medi degree), came straight from undergrad. Those who didnt- mature aged students or those who took long breaks, worked before..etc etc.. left or deferred.

had my first tutorial class on wednesday. It went ok. I was lucky, since i have the afternoon class- most of them are young undergrads… it went smoothly, which is good. My first consult was great too. i had the tutor’s room all by myself, with a computer and since no one comes during consult, i am being paid doing my own work :p It was nice getting away from the clinic having the room to yourself-i stayed for 2 hrs in the end, because it was all nice and quiet… with no one to fight for a comp and no one chatting…

time for uni. workshop today.

class

Interestingly, i scored 13 on the general health questionnaire. Seems that anything above 5 means stress. You should have seen PD’s face when i told him that. I dont feel stress though. Mainly just tired i suppose, but frankly speaking… if you are not tired being in a schedule from 6:45 am- 11ish pm, i would call that person abnormal.

The lecture was about stress. A 2nd year masters student asked if we would lose weight being in the sauna since there is physiological arousal. the lecturer answered: “If you are sitting in a sauna, it is almost equivalent to being in an oven…eventually, you will get cooked.” I find that hilarious. :p

I am sick of sandwiches. I make salads instead!!!!

Smoked Salmon salad (serves 2)
packet of salad leaves
handful of pine nuts
smoke salmon
red capsicum (sliced)
homemade coutons (just cut bread in cubes, sprinkle with olive oil and parmesan cheese, baked for 20 minutes, 200 degrees C) or can just buy from stores.
A tomato
Hardboiled egg
Avocado slice

Throw everything together in a lunchbox. Eat.

That is even faster than making a sandwich!!

function of a blog

I have recently read in “The Straits Times” – in the “Digital Life” section that blogs are just online diaries. There was also this reporter who went around looking for the ‘chioest’ (if there is such a word) female blog and the male version of it.

Are blogs just online diaries where people wants their lives to be written, heard and witnessed by the cyber world? To summarise, are ‘bloggers’ (i dont really like to be associated with that word) just attention seakers? I mean, there is no point taking a person seriously when all the reporter was looking for is a good looking person (without looking at whether he/she writes well or if the content of the blog is meaningful at all!). I went to the ‘recommanded’ websites, and frankly speaking, i was not impressed with most of them. Some of them, of course, are written beautifully but the rest, are no more than daily life accounts. Should they be considered as ‘recommanded blogs’ i wonder? What do they recommand them for? looks?

I suppose my function of a blog is simpler..naive even.

Disclaimer: There is nothing wrong with writing details of your life in a blog, afterall, there is freedom of speech, i was just horrified with what the reporter was actually looking for in a good blog.

For some people, the function is to keep people updated of their life which is part of a reason why i started this blog as well.

However, for me.. a blog is for me to rant, vent, to express my emotions, thoughts and feelings. Is a space for me to update people on my frustrations and my joys. I remembered the period of time, when i went through my breakup and how this blog helped me to express some of my confusion. I remembred how this blog enabled me to connect with my close friends (and since i dont answer my mobile phone often now, this is the place where i stay connected to them!).

Not everything is about looks. I admired one lady who wrote a blog on how she was battling with cancer. Or perhaps there was another one that i read a long time ago, who was writing on her struggles of being a mother of an autistic son. Dont ask me for their links as that was AGES ago that i surf blogs.

Are people just down right shallow that even when it comes down to a simple thing like blogs- it is looks that they were looking for afterall. Or perhaps there are really some blogs out there that aim to get their name out by having a blog.

horrible huh?