I have been reading some old posts on this blog (and on others) and it hit me that it was just barely less than 2 years ago when I was desperately trying to complete a thesis, mend a relationship as well as trying to find my identity.
So my honours thesis was completed (and stupidly enough, I’m trying to complete another one currently), the relationship ended and identity….. I guess that’s half found. I supposed I could identify myself as “Postgraduate Psychology Trainee (clinical)” but that box is too small- I’m also a christian, sister, grandchild, daughter, friend, confidant, partner, student, tutor, niece, auntie and possibly researcher?
Listening to songs like Constant Craving, Hit’em up style, Stop, Crazy, Misty Blue, Yesterday,Can’t take my eyes off you and More than Words. It’s strange how I immediately associated those songs to my hons year (argggghhhhh…..conditioning). The year when I discovered that research wasnt that bad afterall (it was the writing that was bad) , how painful a breakup can be and true friendships. I did not forget my first white sundress, which I still kept in my wardrobe and the lovely 21st dinner I had with my uni mates. Not forgetting my friends and family members who stood by me as I was trying to finish that degree.
I did not forget the guy who asked me out for a date in the same year and patiently waited for me to heal (that ran into the next year) before he asked me to be his girlfriend.
How things changed since then? I completed the first year of the Masters course, worked with some nice people (and not so nice ones) and even decided to take another step to pursue this current degree. In less than 2 years, my vision for the future changed.
Sometimes I feel that pursuing a career as a Clinical Psychologist made the colours of my world black and white (vel, I think u understand this joke here). However, the characters that I talk to everyday made it more colourful.
In the short 4 weeks that I have been in the hospital, I worked with painful, cheerful, confused, dependant, insightful, emotional, emotionless, humourous, beyond intervention and hopeful characters. That include staff and patients.
I experienced people who attended the program, appeared to benefit from it and then was re-admitted to the hospital 1 week later.
A client/patient described me as “quiet empathic”. I discovered the power of being quiet in groups. The moment I opened my mouth everyone listened to me! Woohoo.
Staff at the hospital are nice. The only exception is this egoistic senior. I thought I was the only one feeling frustrated with him until a registrar went “argh” about him one day. Not to mention how another registrar said that she’s dreading partnering him when the 1st registrar goes on leave. Oh, and that my supervisor said not to let him sign my reports as he sucks in writing them. Ethically, I disagree with him as well.
Enough about work.
It’s strange how the direction changed since 2 years ago… Friends went in different directions, responsibilities and relationships are not the same as before. Have I changed since then? I think I did in some ways. Priorities, sleep patterns, career direction, friendships, writing, reading, quietness, confidence, placement, researching, hobbies and relationships are different since then. I dare say I’m less serious than before and I do take things in a lighter way (it’s ok if i dont mop the floor today or finish writing the report). Like what Justin used to say “I’m still Daphne.”