A friend attended a wedding recently. In the midst of our happy conversation, I recall moments of our weddings, attendance of friends’ weddings and being part of the bridal party. We are at the age where we have witnessed quite a few of our friends getting hitched. We laughed a lot, danced and even shed a few tears at some of these unions.
A wedding is not a marriage. Marriage that comes after the celebration is the real test. Marriages go through their developmental stages of changes. Adjusting to being newly weds, negotiating families dynamics, readjusting when a child arrive… Indeed there are so many stressors when a child arrive.
Unfortunately where we have been in happy parties, we are also aware of unions that are at the risk of being dissolved. Tears, anger, frustration and betrayal. They make us realise how vulnerable a marriage is.
Those moments where hubby and I are travelling in opposite directions often leave warning signs. Exhaustion, one of us being sick, Asher being unwell, a conversation did not involve us or each other but rather the everyday routine. While we can be in synch, we became out of synch. It doesn’t feel like we are in a team anymore, but rather we are just existing in our everyday life. We start to do our own checklist of tasks, but neglect to see what each other needs.
One thing we have learned, is to not leave these not of sync moments for too long. We learned that it is inevitable that moments like that will occur. I will be lying to say we never have those days. The reconnection bit is hard but needed.
Sometimes, all we need is a good chocolate tart, hot cup of tea and some music. Perhaps a long walk or time set aside to have a proper conversation on what happened. Other times, the build up becomes an argument. Over small things. Another warning sign that shock us into taking action. I needed to calm down, and hubby went out to grab some errands. Then he returned with a coffee cup and suddenly, it all seems better. The act of care. It says “I’m in this” and nothing else but us matters again.
I love how this tart turned out because I finally nailed the pastry! It was easy to remove and has a melt in your mouth texture. Turns out less is more and it worked! Happy moment. Less learnt- simplicity works the best.