Marriage and babies should go well together. Usually married people like to have babies. When a baby arrive though, it can cause mayhem to a marriage. Going through, sleep deprivation, toddler wanting attention, housework, work commitments… the days just seem like a blur.
I often talked about how hubby and I try to make it work. We text each other, we explore new cafes, we take walks, and we simply try to appreciate each other.
Sometimes I wonder, is it an “expectation” thing? Expect less, get less and therefore both people will be happier in a marriage? Or is it a “history” thing? If a couple have unresolved issues prior to baby arriving, having a baby will more than likely bring up more problems. Maybe it’s our unresolved childhood issues. Having a baby, will certainly bring up emotional memories from our past.
I really do believe that those factors matter. The biggest factor though is how much each person in a relationship wants to make it work or both see it as a priority. While hubby and I are usually on the same page, there are times where we just do not seem to “meet”. I’m the reflective one. I think a lot. He responds to the day to day things and have no idea that I’m on a tangent elsewhere in my mind. I get frustrated when I feel that he isn’t listening but really, he has no idea what goes on in my thought process.
I get annoyed that he seems to let me do the thinking. He gets frustrated that he seems to be part of this process but not quite knowing what process is it. He thinks everything is ok, but I’m working hard to make sure everything is ok for the near future and then becomes annoyed because I feel that I’m doing it all but he isn’t. Truth is, marriage is not a black and white matter. There are many shades of grey. I need to do better in slowing down when he is learning how to speed up. One of the things he said surprises him is the amount of things I do and think cramped in one day. That comment surprises me because I thought he knew it all along but really, he didn’t. It is my responsibility to let him know and I did not convey it well.
Sometimes though, I just accept that we do not have to “work on something” day in day out. Rather, it’s just appreciating the stillness of our marriage. That is a good thing. It means we are comfortable. While there are always things to be improved on, it’s ok to just enjoy being married.